Hello again!
I have been flaking out
when it comes to “Book of the Month”,
Sorry L
I have a few infertility
and miscarriage reads that I’m checking out now,
to see if they have
potential for next month.
In the meantime……
This month’s book is a
little on the odd side
Perhaps you’ve heard of
it:
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
By Dr. Seuss
Why in the world would I
pick this, you ask?
Well, because it spoke to
me.
Unexpectedly, while
reading this book,
I received a message,
that in that moment I really needed to hear.
I have always been a firm
believer, that God will choose to speak to us in exactly the avenue he knows we
will hear him the best.
It’s not always how we
think we would hear the word of God,
but in that moment,
it’s exactly right.
Earlier today, I picked
up this book at the library with my little friend S.
I have been his nanny for
over a year,
and the library is one of
our favorite spots to visit.
We took it home, and
before nap time,
he snuggled in my lap to
hear me read it.
Like other Dr. Seuss
books,
it has a much deeper
message
disguised with funny words and silly rhymes.
The message of this book
is that life is an adventure,
It has it’s ups and it’s
downs,
But if you keep going,
and never lose sight of yourself,
Amazing things can happen.
I will quote a few
phrases that practically jumped off the page,
Grabbed my face and held
me at attention:
“And when you’re in
a Slump,
You’re not in for
much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
Is not easily done.”
Boy, do we know!
Infertile’s know that once you are in the slump of depression, it is so much
easier said than done, to get out.
The next page, describes
the place your in, of going through options.
It sounds pretty close to
a visual representation of navigating treatments, drugs, procedures, bills,
insurance companies, doctors and all the other landmarks of an infertility
journey.
“A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay
out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you
lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in,
should you turn left or right….
Or right- and-
three-quarters?....
…Simple it’s not,
I’m afraid you will find,
For a
mind-maker-upper to make up his mind”
And then the game that
any woman who has ever stood where we stand,
Knows all to well….
The Waiting
Place
“Waiting for a train
to go
Or a bus to come, or
a plane to go
Or the mail to come,
or the rain to go
Or the phone to
ring, or the snow to snow
Or waiting around
for YES or NO….
Everyone is just
waiting”
Waiting to see if
treatment will work, waiting to see if the money will come in.
Waiting to see if a
miracle will happen…. it’s a very well knows place indeed!
And then there is the
part that made me feel brave… the part of the story that described how I would
handle the roads that are bumpy…
“But on you will go
Though the weather be
foul.
On you will go
Though your enemies
prowl.
Oh you will go
Through the Hakken-Kraks
howl.
Onward up many
A frightenieng
creek,
Though your arms may
get sore
And your sneakers
may leak.
On and on you will
hike. And I know you’ll hike far
And face up to your
problems
Whatever they are…
….And will you
succeed?
Yes! You will
indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)…..
Your mountain is
waiting
So….get on your
way!”
People take away
different things form this book,
but for me it was pretty clear.
My journey isn’t over
yet.
This is part of my story;
infertility, miscarriage, loss…
But it’s not enough to
stop the entire journey.
It’s just the bumpy part,
of the long road that is my life.
It feels like a lot more than that, like I was
dealt a bad deal.
But deep down, I’m still
not ready to accept that.
I’m not ready to lay down and wave the white
flag.
I’m bruised,
I’m
broken,
I’m
bleeding,
But I’m not done.
I’m not done fighting for
the life that I have always wanted.
I’m not done fighting for
the family my husband and I so desperately want.
And I am not done
fighting for my babies.
I know they exist, I can
feel them.
I’ve been dreaming and
thinking and praying for them my entire life.
And they are real.
They exist.
I just need to keep fighting for them.
When
they are here, I won’t know how I survived it,
I will be so glad that I did, that I learned
how to fight it,
And
I will reside, exactly where I’m meant to be.
And
won’t that be, such a place to be?
