One day at a time

You know the saying

“Take it one day at a time”

It’s used to encourage people with all different problems,

Survive their journeys and get them to the higher ground that they’re striving for.

Drug Addicts,

Alcoholics,

Recovering from illness,

Recently Divorced,

Anyone mourning.

It’s used as an encouraging phrase to help

Comfort someone.

But what they don’t tell you,

Is that sometimes, you need to break it down even further in order for it to work.

In order to survive the pain

Sometimes, you need to get through

Just one outing,

Just one hour,

Just one moment

Just concentrate on getting through this little space in time,

 And don’t worry about what comes after.

They tell you this because if you looked at the

“Big picture”,

All of the time

 And pain

 And work

 You need to go through in order to get

Where you need to be,

If you looked at it,

 You might not have the strength to carry on.

You might not be able to keep trying

And then you’d give up and

 End up in a pit of despair

 Where there is no coming back from.

That’s where I am right now.

This graph shows a grief curve.

 I hit every single milestone

 In the first half of that graph in the past

 7 days.

Every single damn one of them

I am now residing in that middle section

Depression/ loneliness illness

I am pushing everyone around me away.

I ignore friends phone calls and messages

I blew off my support group meeting

And I’m barely speaking to my husband.

It’s not like I want to do these things,

 I’ m not trying to punish anyone. 

I just know that no matter what they say or do,

None of those people can change what happen

And bring back my baby.

So since they aren’t capable of doing that,

 I don’t want to hear anything that they have to say.

I haven’t figured out how to move on and

Start living my life again

I guess that’s why the next step in the curve is called

“Re-entry troubles”

But when I do, I’ll let you know.

Lena