September: Book of the month

Hello again!

I have been flaking out when it comes to “Book of the Month”,

Sorry L

I have a few infertility and miscarriage reads that I’m checking out now,

to see if they have potential for next  month.

In the meantime……

This month’s book is a little on the odd side

Perhaps you’ve heard of it:

Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

By Dr. Seuss

Why in the world would I pick this, you ask?

Well, because it spoke to me.

Unexpectedly, while reading this book,

I received a message, that in that moment I really needed to hear.

I have always been a firm believer, that God will choose to speak to us in exactly the avenue he knows we will hear him the best.

It’s not always how we think we would hear the word of God,

but in that moment,

it’s exactly right.

Earlier today, I picked up this book at the library with my little friend S.

I have been his nanny for over a year,

and the library is one of our favorite spots to visit.

We took it home, and before nap time,

he snuggled in my lap to hear me read it.

Like other Dr. Seuss books,

it has a much deeper message

 disguised with funny words and silly rhymes.

The message of this book is that life is an adventure,

It has it’s ups and it’s downs,

But if you keep going, and never lose sight of yourself,

Amazing things can happen.

I will quote a few phrases that practically jumped off the page,

Grabbed my face and held me at attention:

“And when you’re in a Slump,

You’re not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself

Is not easily done.”

Boy, do we know! Infertile’s know that once you are in the slump of depression, it is so much easier said than done, to get out.

The next page, describes the place your in, of going through options.

It sounds pretty close to a visual representation of navigating treatments, drugs, procedures, bills, insurance companies, doctors and all the other landmarks of an infertility journey.

“A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!

Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?

How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right….

Or right- and- three-quarters?....

…Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,

For a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind”

And then the game that any woman who has ever stood where we stand,

Knows all to well….

The Waiting Place

“Waiting for a train to go

Or a bus to come, or a plane to go

Or the mail to come, or the rain to go

Or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

Or waiting around for YES or NO….

Everyone is just waiting”

Waiting to see if treatment will work, waiting to see if the money will come in.

Waiting to see if a miracle will happen…. it’s a very well knows place indeed!

And then there is the part that made me feel brave… the part of the story that described how I would handle the roads that are bumpy…

“But on you will go

Though the weather be foul.

On you will go

Though your enemies prowl.

Oh you will go

Through the Hakken-Kraks howl.

Onward up many

A frightenieng creek,

Though your arms may get sore

And your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far

And face up to your problems

Whatever they are…

….And will you succeed?

Yes! You will indeed!

(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)…..

Your mountain is waiting

So….get on your way!”

People take away different things form this book,

 but for me it was pretty clear.

My journey isn’t over yet.

This is part of my story; infertility, miscarriage, loss…

But it’s not enough to stop the entire journey.

It’s just the bumpy part, of the long road that is my life.

 It feels like a lot more than that, like I was dealt a bad deal.

But deep down, I’m still not ready to accept that.

 I’m not ready to lay down and wave the white flag.

 I’m bruised,

I’m broken,

I’m bleeding,

 But I’m not done.

 

I’m not done fighting for the life that I have always wanted.

I’m not done fighting for the family my husband and I so desperately want.

And I am not done fighting for my babies.

I know they exist, I can feel them.

I’ve been dreaming and thinking and praying for them my entire life.

 And they are real.

They exist.

 I just need to keep fighting for them.

When they are here, I won’t know how I survived it,

 I will be so glad that I did, that I learned how to fight it,

And I will reside, exactly where I’m meant to be.

And won’t that be, such a place to be?